Internet Diagnosticians Pillows

"Stupid insurance form won't let me choose web as my primary care physician!"

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

The new Physics

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

The Darknet starts right here.

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

"That's not what it says on the Web."

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

The Big Bad Wolf

"I warned him being online was dangerous."

"Hello?"

"My Hispanic Heritage Month Report is called 'How Gloria Estefan Invented the Space Shuttle.'"

You have a hangover!

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"I think we've been hacked."

Skinny P. monitors the compliance of social media standards.

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I'm worried that I might be dead."

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."