Digital Diagnostician Pillows

"I digitized all of the medical records of my patients. Now all I have to do is run your record through my diagnostic app to see how to treat you."

'I can refer you to Dr. Staley, who is a noted internist....of the JJ39 computer, which does a wonderful job of diagnosis.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Computer Expert

Where was I?

Terry had a computer bug.

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Sorry, but we're not compatible, Jim. You keep a diary, and I blog on the Internet.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

Clickbait

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

Computer help.

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Prove you're not a human Select the squares with a bike Skip"

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'