Digital Doctor Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

Kevin had a computer virus.

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

Bones Reunited

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

"My telemedical nutritionist calls it surprisingly smooth, with a fruity bouquet rendered more enticing due to a hing of cassis and touches of bell pepper aroma."

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

I like having an older doctor. He understands my ailments and has most of em!

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

'Great news. There's a new, highly effective app for what you've got.'

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"Let me through! I'm admin!"

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

Information Virus.