Digital Healthcare Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"Your online doctor is currently with another patient. Please go into the other room, put on some awful music and read an outdated magazine. He'll be with you in a few hours."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"The doctor will see you now. Look up at the surveillance camera and tell her what hurts."

"The healthcare industry has made a lot of advances in billing technology."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"That's the fifth customer this morning - video calling the doctor's surgery because of Covid restrictions."

'Your x-ray showed a broken leg, but I fixed it on our computer.'

"I'm in my doctor's telemedical waiting room!"

'The doctor doesn't actually see patients any more, but you can call his 900 number.'

'If you want to get a second opinion, I'll ask my smart phone.'

'Yo Doc! I've got a health app, how about you examine my phone while I wait in the pub?'

"My telemedical surgeon says we need to operate!"

"Your neck pain. . . I have a theory."