Digital Diagnostician Gifts

"I digitized all of the medical records of my patients. Now all I have to do is run your record through my diagnostic app to see how to treat you."

'I can refer you to Dr. Staley, who is a noted internist....of the JJ39 computer, which does a wonderful job of diagnosis.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

Computer Expert

Where was I?

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Terry had a computer bug.

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

'Sorry, but we're not compatible, Jim. You keep a diary, and I blog on the Internet.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Clickbait

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

Computer help.

"Prove you're not a human Select the squares with a bike Skip"

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'