Digital Doctors Gifts

'I have your lab results on my tablet - just let me finish this game first.'

Man stitching up a broken laptop screen.

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

Kevin had a computer virus.

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

'Sometimes, when I'm feeling unappreciated, I'll fake a system-wide data crash.'

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

Bones Reunited

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

'Great news. There's a new, highly effective app for what you've got.'

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"You want a glass of water...Hang on I think I've got an app for that!"

"Let me through! I'm admin!"

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

Information Virus.