Statistics Wizard Gifts

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Newton's Cradle Solar System

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

'My mother sent down some chicken soup to see if that will help.'

Old MacDonald had a data farm. AI AI O.

'OK, OK, I get it!! We'll drop bar charts and start using pie charts!'

Finance Sector: Art of Rain Making.

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'