Data Wizard Gifts

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Well the good news is that the system is completely secure,no one can get into it...and the bad news...It's because it's crashed!"

"Let's shrink Big Data into Small Data... and hope it magically becomes Great Data."

'Don't ask how much your hospital bill is because we have no way of knowing.'

'Say what you like about Cloud Computing, but the technical support is amazing.'

Old MacDonald had a data farm. AI AI O.

'Bureau of Statistics'

'Him? He's our top infographics guy.'

'It seems that their databank has all the information that's in our databank, plus information that's not in our databank, plus information about our databank.'

'Tom is having some difficulty with the new centralised information management system. He's got to put ALL his records on to it...He wrote most of them on his arm!'

'This is McWit. He's responsible for our really complex spreadsheets.'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

Deepseek

"Sales have been normal."

'If you don't believe me, maybe you'll believe the brainy looking exec with the floe chart.'

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

"... and thanks to the Great Anton with his powers of levitation, our customer intelligence numbers are up for the fourth consecutive month."

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"If you can make statistics say anything you want, why are we making them say this?"

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

Where was I?

Failure/Due Diligence

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"Don't worry about your hair, dear, I can fix it in post-production."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"We're looking for an accountant who can use ChatGPT creatively."

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'