Ward Warrior Gifts

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Soldier armed with a pen.

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

"Must get a longer cable."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

'First weeds of spring.'

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'I told you I knew what nine sevens is...'

'Coleridge'

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

Getting Rid of the Cure

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

'I never said it was the comfy wear...I said it was the comfy look!'

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"You can't see a grief counselor just because you got a 'B'."