Ward Warrior Gifts

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Soldier armed with a pen.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

"Must get a longer cable."

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

'First weeds of spring.'

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'I told you I knew what nine sevens is...'

'Coleridge'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Getting Rid of the Cure

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'I never said it was the comfy wear...I said it was the comfy look!'

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"You can't see a grief counselor just because you got a 'B'."