Ward Gifts

'I told you I knew what nine sevens is...'

"Looks like we found the issue."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

2021

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Showbiz Awards

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

vaccine wars.

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."