Vow-writer Gifts

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"...until death do you a favor."

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"You said it—everybody heard you."

'Are you kidding? Of course I take this woman - wouldn't you???'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'And do you, Sarah, promise never to Google his ex-wife?'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

'Wait a minute -- aren't you going to read me my rights?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

'I do, but no promises.'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

"I now pronounce you 'romantically linked'."

'Will you love, honour, and share custody of the remote control so long as you both shall live?'