Vow-writer Gifts

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"...until death do you a favor."

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"You said it—everybody heard you."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'Are you kidding? Of course I take this woman - wouldn't you???'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Wait a minute -- aren't you going to read me my rights?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'I do, but no promises.'

"I now pronounce you 'romantically linked'."

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

'Will you love, honour, and share custody of the remote control so long as you both shall live?'

'Well yes, I suppose it is a multiple-choice question'