Vow Improviser Gifts

'I do, but no promises.'

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

Thesaurus Editors Applicants,Candidates,Entrants,Inquirers,Job-seekers.

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

'We added on to the couch.'

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"