Improvement Improviser Gifts

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'Workmate' bench helping DIY man "Left a bit"

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

Kid sheltering from rain inside a vault box.

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

Bearded man with baby sheltered under his beard.

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

'We added on to the couch.'

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

Thesaurus Editors Applicants,Candidates,Entrants,Inquirers,Job-seekers.

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

Jacques Loussier.

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

'I do, but no promises.'

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

Piano desk.

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

'...and why does it have to be MY shirt we use as a sail?'