Music Improviser Gifts

Jazz is Invented

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

The Hammer

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'We added on to the couch.'

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

Piano desk.

'It spoils the decor, but it sure saves money on TV sets.'

Jacques Loussier.

Inflate a job!

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

Zoom Backdrop

'I couldn't find real fruit for your still life painting, so we'll just use these fruit roll-ups.'