Tech Improviser Gifts

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

One-man band - One-man office

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

Castaway with a tennis court.

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

'We added on to the couch.'

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

Piano desk.

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

Jacques Loussier.

Inflate a job!

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

Zoom Backdrop

'I couldn't find real fruit for your still life painting, so we'll just use these fruit roll-ups.'