Writing Vows Gifts

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"I remember that game of Spin-the-Bottle like it was yesterday. It was love at firstspin."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

I love you.

'Being in love with you makes me feel young again, Doris. Will you wait while I go play on the swings?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Gates of heaven

Wedding selfie stick

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

Old Love

"Will you still love me when I'm old and past it?"

'I Marianne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer until death do I watch.'

"If I could choose any age I'd be forty-two again. You were hot when I was forty-two."

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

"As long as we're renewing our vows anyway, I've come up with a few new ones."

Woman: 'I, Linda...will ALWAYS, A,E,I,O,U.' / Man:'And I, Shaun...will ALWAYS, A,E,I,O,U.'

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

For our 25th anniversary, I think we should renew our vow not to kill each other.

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"My parents must have forgotten what they learned in school. I heard them talking about renewing their vowels."

"I'm just pricing this second honeymoon you've been on about. . . were you thinking of tagging along?"

Ask Sadie. Sadie, how do you keep the romance alive in a senior relationship? Signed, Randy. *Actual reader question. I'd like to bring in my correspondent to handle this one. Oh, do I have to, Snookums? I don't know what to say to these people. I think I'm going to take a pass. DO IT OR NO NOOKIE FOR YOU UNTIL 2029. Communication and compromise.

'Tell me, Sadie -just how many times is it now that we have been gathered here today?'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"What happened to that tiny little ounce of passion we used to have?"

Of course my love is unconditional! We put it in the pre-nup, remember?