Vow Writers Gifts

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

"Me, Tarzan, take you, Jane, to be my. . ."

"...until death do you a favor."

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'And do you, Sarah, promise never to Google his ex-wife?'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

'Wait a minute -- aren't you going to read me my rights?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'I do, but no promises.'

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

"I now pronounce you 'romantically linked'."