Vow Comedian Gifts

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Bubble Gum Farms.

"...until death do you a favor."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

Snowman carrot substitute.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'And do you, Sarah, promise never to Google his ex-wife?'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"This song is inspired by the time I fell down the tower stairs"

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

"And do you, Robert, promise not to breakdance at the reception?"

"Moses, remember commandment three."

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

'I do, but no promises.'

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'