Vow Comedian Pillows

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"...until death do you a favor."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

Snowman carrot substitute.

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

"This song is inspired by the time I fell down the tower stairs"

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

"And do you, Robert, promise not to breakdance at the reception?"

'I do, but no promises.'

"Moses, remember commandment three."

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'

"I now mispronounce you, Mon and wafe"