Voicemail Comedian Pillows

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'Can you do anything else?'

iPhone Senior

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'A real person's answered it. I hate that. I'll call back when their voicemail's activated.'

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

"And this model comes with a virtual mother-in-law in the back seat to make it feel authentic."

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

Ahab's Last Call.

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

You only do text. I do text AND voicemail.

'I'm on the train.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

Texting or no texting?