Vow Veterans Pillows

"Do you take this person for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness, even without Medicare supplemental insurance?"

'Wait a minute - Shouldn't we flip a coin to see who goes first?'

"...until death do you a favor."

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

Entering Clogsted.

Historic Medical Moments: The first time a body rejected a heart before it was transplanted.

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

"Let me guess... Military, right?"

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

Second marriage vows.

'Will you love, honour, and share custody of the remote control so long as you both shall live?'

"I'm sorry - till when do us part?"

"Seriously, Peggy? You want it written into our wedding vows that I'm willing to slay a dragon for you?"

"Gee, I don't know -- You drive a hard bargain."