Vow Enthusiast Gifts

"'Present' is not an appropriate response."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

'Could you put a little more emphasis on the 'for richer' part?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

DEFINE "for poorer".

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"...until death do you a favor."

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

A masked man serenading

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"Don't even think about it."

"If he who hesitates is lost, why do we have to look before we leap?"

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"Like they say, April lenders brings May spenders."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You said it—everybody heard you."

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

Heavenly voices.

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

See no evil, Hear No Evil, Speak no evil. . .

'Is this a trick question?'

'The longest journey beings with a single step.' Mao would have made great congressman!

Abbey. Silent order.

'It's always darkest just before Dawn.'