Taking Religious Vows Gifts

"I thought celibacy only happened if you got married."

Gates of heaven

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I remember that game of Spin-the-Bottle like it was yesterday. It was love at firstspin."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

R.C.I.A.

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"Will you still love me when I'm old and past it?"

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

Ask Sadie. Sadie, how do you keep the romance alive in a senior relationship? Signed, Randy. *Actual reader question. I'd like to bring in my correspondent to handle this one. Oh, do I have to, Snookums? I don't know what to say to these people. I think I'm going to take a pass. DO IT OR NO NOOKIE FOR YOU UNTIL 2029. Communication and compromise.

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"I'm just pricing this second honeymoon you've been on about. . . were you thinking of tagging along?"

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

'My parents are renewing their wedding vows. . . my mom just notices that my dad had penciled in an expiration date on the marriage license.'

'Bless me, Father - I'm a father.'

A dancing couple

Of course my love is unconditional! We put it in the pre-nup, remember?

"What happened to that tiny little ounce of passion we used to have?"

Second marriage vows.

"The baby apologises for missing the Christening, he had an urgent appointment."

'Sorry we couldn't make the service but we enjoyed your inspirational twitter,'

In Sickness And In Hell

"I, Matthew, promise to go along to get along."

"Yes, even with all the progress they're making in geriatrics, marriage is still 'til death do you part."

"Yeah, we renewed our vows--his vow of silence and my vow of abstinence."

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

"Renew our vows! What. . . all of them?!"

'Verger, give me a hand to move the font over a bit. . .'