Religious Ceremonies Gifts

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

"The baby apologises for missing the Christening, he had an urgent appointment."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Folk Wedding

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Does my head look big in this?'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

"It's OK vicar, Nigel's just having one of his panic attacks."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

GLAD-YOU-ATION

'I Marianne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer until death do I watch.'

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

Tribal masks.

'Will you hold it down? This is IMPORTANT!'

'...Love, honor, and cherish? Remember - you're under oath.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

'It was the only way he could fit us in at such short notice.'

The Christening Party

'The speaker for tonight's ceremony will be our valedictorian. Speak, boy, speak.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

"Just a moment, please. I would like my mother's maiden name included."