Religious Rituals Gifts

"Well this blows"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

"I'm having my entrails read."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

Naturists feelings of joy evaporate when a slug climbs up his arse

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

"If I ask you something, will you promise not to get mad?"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Ganges

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

Nadal's bottles

'Bless me, Father - I'm a father.'

Indian Face Painting

"Ah! What a glorious day to be dead!"

Snowboy becomes a Snowman.

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"How do you like our Wednesday-night get-togethers?"

'I have a rigid routine...sharpen pencils, organise desk, have writers block and start my nervous breakdown after lunch.'

"The baby apologises for missing the Christening, he had an urgent appointment."

'I do like a smoke afterwards.'

Dowsing for Coffee

Passover wine - 'I will buy a decent cabaret next year.'

Woman indicates church's no-smoking sign: "Does this mean no more burning of incense?"

"Except for the actual sacrifice, all this is largely symbolic."

'You always over dress for these rituals.'