Church Ceremonies Gifts

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Priest

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"That's our new church mascot."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Verger Works

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'