Ceremony Gifts

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

"Any chance of a tidy-up round the back and sides while you're at it?"

'May God bless this union.'

'I've been knighted by Queen Latifah.'

"... as we scatter his ashes he is remembered as someone who never got up anyone's nose."

"I'll troop your colours - 50p."

Confirmation of Westminster School Boys at the Abbey

'You always over dress for these rituals.'

Old Archbishop with zimmer like staff

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'We weren't expecting a Royal visit.....Where's the King?'

'Har-ha! Hattus horribilis!'

"....but it doesn't half get in the way on the bike."

"Today we say a prayer...for those...we should remember."

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Folk Wedding

'Does my head look big in this?'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

"It's OK vicar, Nigel's just having one of his panic attacks."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Online marriage ceremony.

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.