Civil Ceremony Gifts

Today.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Happy Valentine's Day

Gay Couples Actually Love Each Other

"Oh alright then - a civil ceremony will just have to do."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Folk Wedding

'They call it the people dance.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Does my head look big in this?'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

GLAD-YOU-ATION

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

The Aisle

"It's OK vicar, Nigel's just having one of his panic attacks."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

Online marriage ceremony.

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

'It was the only way he could fit us in at such short notice.'

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."