Church Traditions Gifts

"He's a very alternative vicar - he's installed wind chimes.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'What clan do you belong to?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"I love these old decorations!"

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

Priest

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Pearly King and Queen

Out of kilter.

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'Here was proof that Lawrence was indeed an Englishman."

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"That's our new church mascot."

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

Verger Works

Monk Prompt

All-Candy Seder.

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'