Church Activities Gifts

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Alright, who's the ringleader?"

'Ok, Flight of the Bumblebee ... once more with feeling'

'-and now a prayer for the roof fund...'

Woman Bishop with vacuum cleaner. Vicar saying 'It's to appease the traditionalists.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'Ed moves that we buy new choir slickers and adjourn for pizza. Do I hear a second?'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

"Cutting edge stuff, Mrs Bellamy - Cordless Bell Ringing."

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'Trust in God, but count your change.'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth - but not the oil and mineral rights.'

'Wait...I have a coupon.'

'These days you're lucky to have a sound tenant.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'The pipe organ costs a hundred and ten thousand. Four music stands for Ed's Gospel Quartet, eighty five fifty. Discussion.'

'I can remember when you only had to worry about delivering good sermons.'

'The love of money is the root of all evil? Is that the whole treasurer's report?'

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'This church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, and twenties. . .'

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'

"I was comped."

Can't talk now, I'm on a mission!

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"Frank, you don't have to dress like that to work in youth."

''The knitting circle are playing their part in our heating effficiency programme.'

"You are taking the responsibility as an elder to shepherd the flock a little too serious."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

Bell notes fall on a bell-ringer.

'Everyone in favor of buying cooler choir robes for the summer, sing hallelujah!'

"It's Pope Francis. He wants to know how we are."

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"