Friend Involved In Church Activities Gifts

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Priest

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Monk Prompt

Verger Works

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"That's our new church mascot."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

United Church of OMG

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

King Trump

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Baptism Then and Now

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.