Religious Celebrations Gifts

"Ah! What a glorious day to be dead!"

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

"I only call people within my denomination brother or sister." (two Christian talking about their denomination)

Lesbian civil partnership.

Mardi Gras

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

Bacchus.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Dancing Doctor

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Bubbly

Cardiac Recovery.

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Christmas Pets

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'