Religious Holiday Gifts

R.C.I.A.

"Well, actually, they are written in stone."

"It's extremely flexible. You can wear it as comfortably to Yom Kippur services as out on a date with a shiksa."

'Are you sure? - I only remember creating TWO of them.'

'Uh, is there a TEACHER'S edition?'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

2pm meet your Creator

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cross photo.

"Oh-oh -- a DEMERIT system!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

At the Museum

A Good Batch.

The Vineyard

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

Santa Claus's Mail

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

The Baby Walker

Easter Island legs

Tourists

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Airlines

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

"I said I wanted to visit the Brandenburg Gate."

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

Winter Coat Check at a Tropical Destination's Airport

Faster, Georges, faster!

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"Meet the scribe"