Holiday Gifts

"It's New York. It wants you back."

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

'Hey weirdo, where do you think you're going?'

"Save my spot?"

"It's time for us to go back to Sixty-fifth and Third, Richard."

Terrible at Goodbyes

An email finds you

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

'I have this feeling we've forgotten something.'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

"Is everything O.K., sir? We noticed that you aren't constantly eating."

Sunblock - A Novel

'How come they know where we are when we don't.'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

"It was a terrible holiday, everything was so perfect we couldn't claim anything off our insurance."

"I have a feeling we're walking in circles..." "I'm sure we're not! It's only the fog that looks the same everywhere..."

'These virtual-reality goggles are great! Right now, I'm sun-bathing in Tahiti...'

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

"You're probably wondering how I got the nick name, kill-bot. Well, it's a funny story. . ."

Salesman on Holiday

"I have as many organisms on my tongue as she has in her probiotic, so why won't she let me lick her face."

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

'Oh... and this one sounds like a huge wave!'

'Have you got an Environmental Impact Statement for that castle, son?'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

Fire at the fireworks factory.

You are now leaving Everything..."Well, now I've seen everything."

'We like to keep our supply chain short.'

A tourist sees that every sign leads the right way.

'I'm working on one with text capabilities.'

"Check our website sir. It clearly says bed in breakfast."