Volatility Vigilante Pillows

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

The new global mantra flag for the future

"Relax. They're just crows."

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

About 40% of the nation's coronavirus deaths could have been prevented...

You can relax now.

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

Guns won't help

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

Wrong ways to wear a face mask.

"Stocks closed higher on news that despite market volatility, Edgar Freund, just an average investor from Petoskey, Michigan, decided not to sell anything."

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I wish I had emotions like people do. I wish I could think as logically as people do. I'd like to take a walk along the shoreline without rusting. Storing energy in a battery rather than a pot belly would be nice. Having a sense of humor would be fun. The ability to selectively delete memories would be great to have. I wish I didn't have to worry about digital viruses. I wish I didn't have to worry about biological viruses.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Ebola Clinic

"What happened to what cat?"

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

"I do wish they'd hurry up with that vaccine, so I can get back to worrying about dying of something else."

A footballer is having an eye test.

Swine Flu danger as a pandemic

Keep out - Covid-19

"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."

"Relax, it's not the killer-virus. It's 'Saturday Night Fever' so he'll be 'stayin' alive'."