Stock Vigilante Pillows

"Stocks closed higher on news that despite market volatility, Edgar Freund, just an average investor from Petoskey, Michigan, decided not to sell anything."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Peter Parker is Spiderman! Clark Kent is Superman!! Bruce Wayne is Batman!"

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Beware of God"

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

"It's the Grammar Police! Have you been using 'your' when you should be using 'you're' again?"

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Wrong ways to wear a face mask.

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

A footballer is having an eye test.

'Could we have a little chat when you're through here?'

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

'You have voted, yes! Have your SHEEP voted!'

"Miss Jones, get up here and change this eye chart, please!"

'Mom, the only thing I don't like about this job is the screen saver.'

"Don't read it! He's phishing."

Monster in optician.

'She wasn't hoydening when she chuffed arrack.'

'You haven't been eating your carrots, have you?'

'You appreciate that you have just used a split infinitive!'

Eyedropper_b&w

Don't feed the bears vegetables.

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

"So how to you know I'm an optician?"

'Sir, what is the matter?' - 'New contact lenses.'