Vision Technician Gifts

Blind, blind man's buff.

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'Why don't you ever look at ME that way?'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

'What luck! A sound technician.'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

Subwoofer

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

Hospital Departments

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

"You want a second opinion,,,You're an idiot,"

Musical Eye Test

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'How did you train him so well?'

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

"It's mouseborn."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Lucas A Non Lucendo.'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

"Someone is at the front door."

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."