Vision Technician Pillows

Blind, blind man's buff.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

'Why don't you ever look at ME that way?'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

'What luck! A sound technician.'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

Subwoofer

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

Hospital Departments

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

"You want a second opinion,,,You're an idiot,"

Musical Eye Test

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'How did you train him so well?'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

"It's mouseborn."

"Someone is at the front door."

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

'Damn ! I don't have a clue where we are.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Lucas A Non Lucendo.'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'