Tv Technician Pillows

'That's not a window... that's my large screen TV!'

"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to improve the quality of the programmes, Madam."

'I can fix the fuzziness and the vertical hold, but I can't do anything about Chris Matthews.'

'Sacked? Just like that - with no explanation?'

'The next door neighbor's dang psychic waves keep interfering with my reception.'

'Adjustment of your picture is necessary - call your repairman.'

Space alien enters TV store to have his antennas adjusted.

'It's swearing back at you.'

'The shows will look the same, but the commercials appear in 3-D high definition.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

"Hey, you've fixed the telly too!"

'There's nothing wrong with the sound, lady, it's a Party Political broadcast, that's all.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

Audiovisual law

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'And this is where they switched to High Definition.'

TV Repair 101.

"Sky, sir?"

"This kind flies around. Or do you want to rent a monotone speaker for your conference?"

'I hear they're going to cable.'

'We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by...'

Customer to TV repair man - "Thank god you got here. I was beginning to wander around."

'You say your picture's funny?...I'm surprised you got a picture at all. That's a microwave oven!'

'There's a lot we don't know about horizontal TV syndrome.'

'Hey! You forgot the TV!'

"He's here to help install our new converter box."

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

'And here's the little feller that'll have been the cause of all your problems. . .'

"It's a very common problem, sir, and here's a simple diagnostic test you can try: If you click the remote and it goes away, it's a TV show. If it DOESN'T go away, it's reality. Hey, you're welcome! Glad I could help you!"

Digital Tuna.

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'