Vision Enhancement Gifts

Dr. B.R. Shutin. Optician.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Large print e-book.

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Ego Increasing School

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"Your main problem is that instead of a set of complex organs composed of specialized sensory cells and sophisticated nerve structures, you've got two pieces of coal."

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

The Pessimetrist.

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"It took all day, but we finally got there."

'I was struggling to see further than one kilometre, but thanks to laser eye surgery, I'm fine now...'

"Stock photo, right?"

"Breast implants, filler and botox for your missus doesn't fulfill our home improvements criteria."

'Make sure they fit straight!'

HOLLYPLASTIC

"I think an IQ test would be more appropriate at this time."

'Those work well. Now you hardly look anything like Superman.'

'Still getting the hang of laser surgery'

'Yes, normally, carrots are good for you eyes, but in your case they only increase your sense of smell.'

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

Forget about seeing the forest, or even the trees...right now Doug was far from that space!!

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

Contacts vs. Glasses

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

Malcolm realised he might need glasses when he realised his adjustable reading poles couldn't be extended any further.

Lazy eye at home

"They're not identical twins—they're surgical twins."

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

Medical Silicon Paste.