Vision Correction Gifts

'Still getting the hang of laser surgery'

Contacts vs. Glasses

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Monocle! Monocle! Monocle!"

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

'Make sure they fit straight!'

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Hospital Departments

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Musical Eye Test

'How did you train him so well?'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

"With the new year approaching, I was hoping you could help with my resolution...."

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

'No,if you'll read the eyes-in-the-back-off-your-head chart, I check your mom vision,'

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

"Feels like an elephant trunk...."

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

George Washington's Birthday

Hen to optometrist about chicks: 'I'm here to check my peepers.'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

A Pirate at the Opticians.

"I'm here because I keep bumping into old friends. Like, literally bumping into them."

Dr. Harper had a special eye exam chart made for hieroglyphics professor patient.

A footballer is having an eye test.

"Well, Mr. Swanson, I don't know that I can help you improve your standing in your focus group, but I can definitely check out your visual focus."

"The side lenses will help you maintain visual acuity when looking askance."

"I'm here for an examination, my ditzy missus thinks I may need glasses."