Human Enhancement Gifts

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Ego Increasing School

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

Woman says, 'How did your memory improvement class go last night?' Man answers, 'I completely forgot about it!'

"Breast implants, filler and botox for your missus doesn't fulfill our home improvements criteria."

"Stock photo, right?"

HOLLYPLASTIC

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

"Dear diary, what the heck did you do with my car keys?!"

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

"Supersize me."

'She's had so much plastic surgery that her body has rejected her credit cards!'

Institute (brain).

Medical Silicon Paste.

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

Rhonda was over the moon with the results of her first-ever face-lift.

Breast Implants: 'Watch this Space.'

"Do you ever regret having breast implants when you were younger?"

Two cows are admiring a female cow that has an extra udder - 'Hey Colin... check out Barbara's awesome moob job!'

'I'm tagging some unflattering photos of friends, so my tagged photos don't look quite so bad.'

"So you went ahead with the facelift?"

"You don't have to make a decision on a butt lift today, go home and sleep on it."

"Doug here monitors any subtle changes in the ergonomics."

Vinnie's Tanning Salon.

"Are you sure this sport is now drug free?"

"Like my dazzling smile? My teeth are capped with LEDs."

"When I actually was this age, I didn't have much facial expression anyway."

An Elephant Never Forgets by Tying a Knot in its Trunk

Dr. B.R. Shutin. Optician.

'I'm flattered by your imitation, unless you just want to be taller than me.'

Popping another charisma pill may do the trick!