Body Enhancer Gifts

"Supersize me."

Jumping cheerleaders

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Cheerleaders

Zumba

Ego Increasing School

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

It was getting harder and harder to stay psyched.

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

Woman says, 'How did your memory improvement class go last night?' Man answers, 'I completely forgot about it!'

Leap

Breakfast of Champions

'I just love to watch you get the sales staff fired up, Johnson.'

HOLLYPLASTIC

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

'Her and her silicone implants!'

'She's had so much plastic surgery that her body has rejected her credit cards!'

"Dear diary, what the heck did you do with my car keys?!"

We leave Jim alone until he's at least 90% charged. (49%)

Get up and go

"To get more productivity, I replaced the employee's coffee with an energy drink."

'Hey, uh, maybe you oughta take a break from the sugar water.'

'Well, what seems to be the problem?'

Institute (brain).

Breast Implants: 'Watch this Space.'

Two cows are admiring a female cow that has an extra udder - 'Hey Colin... check out Barbara's awesome moob job!'

Vinnie's Tanning Salon.

Botox injections

"You don't have to make a decision on a butt lift today, go home and sleep on it."

Beauty Salon - Husband says to wife, 'Look, anything will be an improvement!'

"Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you no longer own him."

Sex Shop

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."