Veterinary Sciences Gifts

'He was a physician, but because of all the difficult patients he gave it up and became a veterinarian.'

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

Noah's Ark: 'Two Vets Wanted.'

'I've been testing these pills on myself, and if they prove effective, we'll be able to give them to the guinea pigs.'

'Fear not, Madam! I've never lost a case of this kind in this hospital!...

'Your mule seems to be a little nervous. Maybe I better come back tomorrow.'

"Say 'Bark.'"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

Lactose Intolerant

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

Haute Suture

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

A day at the transgenic races

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Fill it up!"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."