Veterinary Sciences Gifts

'He was a physician, but because of all the difficult patients he gave it up and became a veterinarian.'

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

Noah's Ark: 'Two Vets Wanted.'

'I've been testing these pills on myself, and if they prove effective, we'll be able to give them to the guinea pigs.'

'Fear not, Madam! I've never lost a case of this kind in this hospital!...

'Your mule seems to be a little nervous. Maybe I better come back tomorrow.'

"Say 'Bark.'"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

Lactose Intolerant

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Haute Suture

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

A day at the transgenic races

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."