Veterinary Science Gifts

No, no, no! Can anyone here tell me what Mr Mosely's doing wrong?

'Been really busy, Doctor?'

'You should have called me sooner.'

'Yesterday we ran a CBC, a BUN, a liver profile...

Liquid mice.

'Well, Dad, it's 2:00 AM and we've been messing with her all night...'

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

Hamster on dialysis machine 'In my day we'd have had him put down.'

A trip to the vet's.

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'I don't see the problem.'

"Well, we don't do any vaccinating on our place and none of the survivors ever get sick."

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

'It'll granulate in.'

WRONG! A veterinary school failure.

'Is it an emergency?'

'There is so much penicillin in this milk we could use to to treat shipping fever!"

'It's a calf injury.'

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'What do you mean I've got fleas? I want a second opinion!'

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

'Oh dear! Something tells me it's going to be one of those days!'

"It's time to end the suffering."

'I'm not sure about the new bone specialist.'

'That's true...but so are the worms.'

'Veterinary medicine has come a long way since I was a boy.'

'Doc, you're the only vet I've seen who can palpate both ovaries...

"Well, ungrateful human patients SUE their doctors. Mine just kick and bite!"

'First we treat! Then we'll worry about a diagnosis!'

"I say, thank goodness for Vets and IVF: No more sleezy singles' bars, no more dating!"

'Quick, Sable dear, mouth-to-mouth respiration!'

"The sheep all have rabies. Pass it on."

'I'm sorry but I'm a small animal vet.'

'Just jam one of these pills as far down his throat as you can, 3 times a day.'