Veterinary Scientist Gifts

'I've been testing these pills on myself, and if they prove effective, we'll be able to give them to the guinea pigs.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

Lactose Intolerant

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Haute Suture

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"Hm, still sky high. Let's try the other arm."

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Fill it up!"

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."