Veterinary Joke Fan Gifts

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory'

Dog forced to return bone

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

Hypochondria Hospital

"Okay, which one of you called me CANDYASS?!"

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

'Where does it hurt?'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

'Forget those itch creams, do what I do, just put your butt down on the carpet and scoot around the room.'

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

Of course you're feeling disgruntled. You've lost your voice.

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

I like a lot of witnesses around.

"The good news is, the side effects of your nut allergy aren't really dangerous."

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Will the results of this probe be sent to my gastroenterologist?'

Tinnitus.

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'James Herriot would never say a thing like that!'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

Casey's Veterinarian Clinic and Taxidermy 'Either way you'll get your pet back.'

'...windpuffs in front and a capped hock on the right rear...'

'Don't worry, it's just the anaesthetic...'