Verbal Faux Pas Appreciator Pillows

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

The Return Of The Minipants

"Cat with nine still lives"

"Here's your sweater back."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Dog steals a cricket ball.

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

The Bland Leading the Bland

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"Mmm..I haven't worn this tie since the firms 1997 dinner and dance..."

Fifty Gallon Head.

BEWARE! Cheshire snake in the grass!

Good Kitty No More.

"You might consider new socks as well."

Greeting Card Shop: No Rhyme or Reason Cards.

"What? I slept seven months."

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"You have it backwards. When you're having an online meeting, you're supposed to look good from the waist up."

"Take my advice—never let anybody talk you into joining the Tie-of-the-Month Club."

"Man's best friend with benefits"

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

Ego Publishing: 'I'm sorry, but 'Slither A Mile In My Shoes' doesn't make any sense...'

"It's an important interview, so you probably shouldn't wear a necktie that contains more material than your suit."

'Bob, you're suffering from embarrassing static cling.'

Secateurs and non-secateurs

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

Barristers playing a joke

"Good Lord! He picked the salad fork!"

"With Mindfulness, one may learn to sit through all distractions."

"I was just kidding when I said that thing they sit on is a giant chew toy. I hope you can act cute, because you're in big trouble."