Vegetable Critic Gifts

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Allotment

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Rump roast?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Needs salt!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."