Food Critic Gifts

'Avez-vous French toast?'

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'How local is this.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

A panel of chicken judges grade another chicken's newly laid egg.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

Great Moments in Culinary History.

Man about to empty his tray into a bin labelled: 'Feedback'.

'These fruits and vegetables are very colorful, large, free of blemishes, pulpy and tasteless.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"

"Here's some baby spinach - from my soil to your plate."

'Now do you believe me?'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

'But this can't be what I ordered ... I know I ordered somethng I like.'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'Stan, you can still pick up that food! Due to the economy, the five second rule had been modified to eight seconds.'

'The lower-priced items contain genetically-modified foods not yet approved for human use.'

'Well I can assure you sir, the fish was fresh when the menu was printed last tuesday.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Other than that, how did you like it?"

We Welcome Feedback.

Burger chef measuring a man's mouth for size.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"Let's change things up a bit. Give me the crinkle cut."

"Why do you always have to be so judgemental?"

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'So, 'hamburger'...pig or cow?'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Close enough, the one on your right is the red. Congratulation! You're our new wine critic.'

"The usual"

"Are all of your carcinogens produced locally?"

Give quiche a chance!